So watching this show is a big enough waste of my time so I've decided I'm only going to blog point form points as I watch.

First Pack (TV term meaning content divided by commercials)

Next Week

• WHOA, what the hell happened to Boston Rob? 

This is another blog that stemmed from a Facebook discussion. I'm lucky to have some very thought provoking friends

Let me tell you about a guy that I went to high school with named Steve Templeton.  Steve was an awkward kid who was unfortunately unaware of how unfunny and moreover annoying he was.

Steve and I were in grade 9 music together; the year when they assign instruments.  He got the trombone. One day, in those first days after being assigned the instrument, he blasted it as loud as possible and it made a crazy distorted sound that immediately reminded me of the sound they would use on The Flintstones when Fred would go code red with anger.  BTW what was up with that?  He had a serious anger problem.  But I digress...

So Steve did his thing and people laughed, really hard, he felt cool, he felt accepted.  So guess who did that pretty much every time he picked up the instrument for the next 5 years?  You betcha. In the interim he never met a note he didn't like to play...loudly.  He was universally loathed by all sections and largely thought to be a liability to both the piece and the band at large.

More about Steve in a while.

All audiences talk.

This is a dirty little secret. Clubs tend to suck because sound guys have no restraint and think its 'rock and roll' to have it ‘killer’ loud. Since people always need to talk, in a loud club,  talking has turned to yelling, yelling is now adding to the sound level in the room and the person next to them has to yell even louder to the person they're with and the cycle continues.

At this point you might be inclined to say, “why don’t they just not talk?” Abandon these thoughts! Yours is an Utopian world, in the real world audiences will talk and done appropriately it’s actually an important part of the experience.  Ours is to live in a world based on reality and the reality is that audiences talk. Right or wrong.

Positive example:

“holy shit, how good is this?”
“i know, they’re unreal”

However, here’s why overly loud clubs actually change the band's experience with an audience and vice versa.  

Loudness is a rolling boulder, it has inertia, loudness causes more loudness and the inverse is also true.

If you don't have experience performing on stage you might not know that the band doesn't hear the PA as loud as the audience but what they do hear is the audience chatter which is now very loud on stage because the audience themselves don’t even know how loud they’re being because again the band doesn’t hear the PA as much as they do.

Said another way, you know how a person tends to yell when they are wearing headphones?  That’s what the audience is doing and the band, are the people wondering why the person with the headphones is speaking so loudly.   That’s an exaggerated but effective analogy.

So now the band is hearing what they think is a VERY rude audience and it’s killing their buzz and even the most pro of performers can’t help but let that affect their performance. 

Now on the other hand, if you turn it down to a level where you feel everything just enough and are in a comfortable range but still have the largess of the live pa experience, well then now suddenly the audience is chatting at a level the band can't hear...

Now the band thinks the audience is way into it...

Now they're feeding off that energy and killing it and now the audience is legitimately into it and so on and so on. Loudness isn't just about comfort or "oldness" or "toughness" it's an important, important part of the show.

I think we'd all agree when a PA is too quiet. It would be something we'd all instinctively know, more or less. There probably isn't a large group of people in favour of shows that are inappropriately quiet. That sounds silly to most immediately but isn't it funny that there are a number of people who for whatever misguided reason, actively work to exceed a similarly logical value on the high side?

"man it's so quiet"
 "I know awesome right!? 
 "totally!"

Replace quiet with loud and suddenly you're 'rock and roll'...ooo..right on...the audience is having a totally shit time, but cool, good for you, you're show the audience how lame they are.  What a great night out for them.

Musicians are commended on their ability to control dynamics.  It’s literally the same for sound guys and if you’re just pushing every song to the limit, show after show...well then you’re just Steve Templeton.

There's a been a lot of talk this morning about the announced closing of Toronto music main-stays The Big Bop and The Cameron House. While I am saddened by this continuing trend, I am no more surprised to hear of this than I would to find snow on the ground any day now.  I saw it coming, it was as predictable as the seasons.  

A lot of people are blaming this on a down economy but economic conditions like these are merely catalysts to expose who is running a legitimate business with value to the consumer and who is just catching financial shrapnel of a boom economy. 

So I'm going to cut and paste some Facebook comments I made this morning that I think do a good job of explaining how I feel about the state of the 'product' that is the indie rock. 

--

This is what happens when we continue to devalue the live music product. No one can make a living, not the bands and apparently not the bars. It's going to be ugly for a while stilll. We're going to lose bands, good ones, bands that 10 years ago would have been signed and moving toward a career. Similarly we're going to lose once viable venues.

I love it when people get upset about Obama bowing to Asian leaders.

It happened briefly during the election at the peak of the economic crisis but that was so fleeting and brief that you could literally watch the whole thing unfold in one sitting...maybe ordering a pizza in the middle and taking a couple bathroom breaks but that's about it.  It was quick.

I'm so sad that it really, really, really, honestly and truly is just about the business of being employed by the government (see: getting and staying elected).

I believe in my heart that the public is a coiled spring waiting for someone who is almost 'retro' in their call to public service.

It's all so undignified now.

See my problem is that I think that the things I know to be self evident are just as clear in the minds of others.  This has gotten me into trouble more than once...when will I learn?  Perfect example, 3 words:

Tip

Your

Server

Now I know the vast majority of you are right now thinking...OK... Alex, this is your big revelation? This is why you told me to read your stupid blog? Congratulations, you are part of the majority of reasonable, decent, socially connected, soul-still-in-your-body, non-zombie humans.  You can stop reading and go back to watching television.

My problem is with the rest of you who found these words alien or somehow annoying.  You people make me angry.  You are what is known in America as a 'shitty tipper'.  There are few variations in the 'shitty tipper' category but in the end some hard working man or woman got screwed over. So the net effect is the same.  

1. Delusions of Restaurant Grandeur

Oh I know who you are.  You think going to The Olive Garden is SERIOUS fine dining.  You think to yourself damn it I paid 16.95 for my dinner I'm going to get some me some service and so help me god if everything isn't perfect, I mean seriously perfect I'm not going tip cause after all do you know how much money they make off my meal and drinks?

Idiot, it's a chain restaurant, most of what you're eating was reheated and assembled fresh but otherwise frozen.  You think you're Johnny Big Time cause you're at a place that serves appetizers.  Congratulations Donald Trump you've really made it in the world.  But the thing of it is the server's making minimum wage...actually less than minimum wage, regardless of any profit margin.  Do you know why servers make less than minimum wage?  Is it because we as a society have decided this particular line of work is especially worthless?  No dink, it's because it's assumed that part of the wage will be paid directly in cash...commonly known as a tip. 

Secondly your server is probably not trying to make a career out of this so they are by the nature of the job a professional amateur.  That's why your meal comes in under $30.  Don't go expecting a sommelier or someone to have some brilliant knowledge of the culinary arts.  You are at the IKEA of restaurants ok?  Is there anything wrong with IKEA?  Nope I love it but I don't go in thinking everyone who works there is Debbie Travis ok? 

So lower the bar money bags and remember someone's trying to make rent, or buy diapers, or pay tuition when you've decided the so called 'fancy restaurant' doesn't meet your ridiculous standards.

2. "I don’t believe in tipping"

Then don't go out to restaurants cause they do.  It's not an issue of faith goof, it's not like the Holy Trinity.  Your belief notwithstanding tipping is the deal between the servers and the public.  Got it?

3.  Can't split a check / Math is hard

Every single one of us knows someone who is bad at splitting a check.  If you don't, I've got bad news for you...

You bought yourself a 9.95 club sandwich and a got yourself a 1.99 cola and you've pitched in $15.00

Bet you thought you were tipping 2 or 3 bucks right?  Let me show you the math.

9.95 Club Sandwich
1.99 Cola
-----
11.94 pre tax total
  1.55 taxes
------
13.49 ACTUAL TOTAL
  1.51 your shitty tip

Congratulations someone brought a menu, a drink, took your order, checked on you, brought you food, probably a refill, made sure you were ok, checked on your again, brought you the bill, took your payment, brought you back change AND for all this, you gave them 6 quarters and 1 penny.  That's what the service was worth to you.  Seriously? Why do you do this?  Cause of the anonymity of a group bill...which btw makes you a dick.  And if enough people in your group are as special as you, hoorah your server just worked their ass off for pretty much nothing.  Stub your toe.  Tonight!

4. Frugality

I generally speaking dislike frugal people.  Correction, I generally speaking dislike people who self identify as being frugal or even going so far as to call themselves cheap.  These people were generally raised in lower income homes where they were encouraged to save as much as possible and were rewarded for finding efficiencies and chastised for waste and decadence.  What's wrong with that? Nothing is wrong with THAT.  Truth is we need more of that... but I that’s another discussion.

What is wrong is when this attitude of financial prudence becomes a form of compulsion.  No longer are you just finding better and cheaper ways to do things now you are simply just keeping as much money as possible. That was never the goal. You don't care about product quality, you don't care about simple decency, you don't care about truth, you'll complain about stuff for no reason, you'll fish for discounts, you don't even care if YOU have a good time as long as you can find a way to keep your money.  In the most reprehensible form of this behaviour you'll even not tip...like at all.  Not for any reason (not any real one that is) just because you can.  Legally, you’re only obligated to pay for the goods.  Morally, I'd like to punch you in the neck.   I really don't like cheap people at all.

When is it ok not to tip?

By now you is thinking, Alex, so what we have to tip even when the service sucks now? 

No! Not at all.

I will be the first one to penalize truly poor service. What I have a problem with is the severity of penalty.  People will take almost any reason to cut a decent tip in half or omit it entirely.  Reminding you that the majority of a servers income is tips let’s compare this to a plumber. 

If you had a plumber come by to do some work and he was late, or dragged mud in or had to come back for a minor leak, would it ever cross your mind to pay him ½ the labour or crazier not pay the labour bill at all?  That’s what you’re saying when you don’t tip. What?  You’re food was late...that was a kitchen jag’s problem. Brought the wrong drink? OH NO!  Wasn’t that friendly?  Yah well you know, maybe the guy before you was a guy just like you... so uh... just..shut up.  Assuming for a moment all those things are wrong and they are.  It’s not ok to just not pay for the service for minor infractions. 

The problem is that we call it a tip like it’s a bonus or a reward for doing good work.  It’s a bill. It’s an invisible invoice that comes attached to every check you get and unless you have a seriously compelling reason to not pay it, pay it.

Alternatively we need to start paying servers $10 - $15 / hour and do away with tipping entirely but in the meantime now you know the rules.

P.S.,  I’ve never waited tables a day in my life.