Like the US winning the 1980 Winter Olympic Gold Medal in hockey.

Like David Hasselhoff still having a career.

Like Moses parting the Red Sea.

Miracles.

Internet: The Podcast will return this month.

Here's what happened.  We fired Alex from the position of video editor.  We interviewed a few new people for the job.  When we discussed the workload, the product and the salary, they threw the nearest inanimate object they could find at us and strung together a remarkable series of exotic curses.  It would have been easy to be impressed had we not been so stunned and offended.

As such, we've re-hired Alex for less money (he's now paying us to edit our video content) and he's been hard at work trying to make us look good.  And to be honest, that requires a lot of expensive software and the entire team at Lucasfilm's Industrial Light & Magic.  He has promised at least one - if not two - new episodes before September ends.  If he fails we will post his phone number and address here.  We then would invite you to prank call him ad nauseam as well as drive by his house and throw any rancid fruit/vegetable/poultry you may have at said house.  The Portuguese love their poultry.

Fancy Fowl!!!

What can I tell you? The groundhog (who does our video editing) that we believed to be deeply asleep turned out to be dead. Still asleep, I suppose, but more so. We've spent April conducting a thorough search for a video editing replacement who will work for next to nothing (actually, a bit less than nothing) and it's been a gruelling search. We're delighted to announce that our own Alex Oliveira is the only person with the tools and foolishness to take the position. Mostly because we can't pay anyone else to do it. There are drugs and hookers to pay and money doesn't grow on trees.

We have several podcasts awaiting Alex's attention and he has promised to deliver one very, very soon. In the meantime, here is a recipe to honour our late friend, Wallace. (And because celebrity banana bread recipes are surprisingly difficult to find).

Country-Style Groundhog

1 groundhog
1/2 c. flour
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1/4 c. cooking oil
1/2 tsp. sugar

Clean and skin as soon as possible. Remove all sent [sic] glands. Cut off head, feet and tail. Cure in cool place by suspending from hook approximately 4 days.

Dress groundhog as you would a rabbit, removing the small sacs in the back and under the forearm. Soak groundhog overnight in salted water to remove wild flavor.

Combine flour, salt and pepper; rub into groundhog pieces. Brown groundhog in hot oil in skillet; sprinkle with sugar. Reduce heat and add 1/2 cup water. Cover and simmer for about 30 minutes or until tender. Remove cover and cook for 10 minutes longer.

Enjoy!

And apparently he's in charge of editing our podcasts, so we're a few weeks behind. We do have three more almost ready to go(we have some Counting Crows, some original material, a conversation with our friend Gabor in Portsmouth, UK and a cover of a tune by our good friends, Vacuity), so April will be a podcast plentiful month. In the meantime, here is the first in our series of celebrity banana bread recipes. Len won't like it because it has vinegar in it.

Governor George Ryan's Grandmother Roth's Banana Bread

Source: Governor George H. Ryan, Illinois

1/2 cup shortening (margarine)
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon vinegar added to 1/2 cup milk
2 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup chopped pecans
1 1/2 cups (3 very ripe) bananas

Mash the bananas. Cream the shortening, sugar, and eggs. Add the liquids. Add the salt, flour and soda last. Pour into one greased bread pan. Bake at 350 degrees F for 1 hour and 20 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted comes out clean.

Sorry folks but we're talking a week off to let our crack team of video editors have a nice Valentines Day and Family Day here in Toronto. See you next Monday!

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Show notes:

Duration: 9:00

0:00 - 0:08 - Opening
0:09 - 0:44 - Bleeping
0:45 - 1:38 - Unneccessary Censorship
1:38 - 2:16 - Ultra Hillarious goofing on Jimmy Kimmel.
2:17 - 3:45 - Performance preamble
3:46 - 8:52 - Performance: Peter Gabriel: In Your Eyes
8:52 - 9:00 - Closing

Featured Music:

Opening Theme
Title: Weeds
Written by: The Free Press
Performed by: The Free Press
©2009 Russian Surplus Music

Performance
Title: In Your Eyes
Written by: Peter Gabriel
Performed by: Ottesen/Smith
©1986 Geffen Records