NHL vs UFP

I was alarmed to look at this journal and see how few entries I've made since the playoffs last year. I suppose you can blame the media (who reads a whole journal anymore!?), my penchant to rant or you can chalk it up to the fact that there just isn't that much to talk about until the Stanley Cup comes into view.

I've decided to make it an annual tradition to break down the playoff match-ups. Although my record from last year is questionable (I think I made 7/15 correct predictions) I'm hoping that another spin around the sun will have granted me more wisdom and credibility. Well, a man can dream.

Right, so if you don't know how the National Hockey League playoffs work: 1. You've probably stopped reading this. 2. You'd better not be from Canada 3. Think of it as a fight to the death between 16 teams. The idea is to beat the pulp out of another team 4 times in a maximum of 7 games. If you get to 4 first, then you go on to beat the piss out of another team until you're the only one left standing. With me? If not, think of it like this:

 Right click and 'View Image' to zoom in on this sucker

Captain Kirk is the coolest cat on the Western half of the ship. He's been mucking, grinding, humping and overacting the whole mission more so than anyone. As such, he's at the top of our left bracket. He has to fight a Red Shirt to the death because we know the nameless Ensigns never last more than half an episode. The Red Shirt has the great misfortune to fight Kirk because he was the 8^th coolest cat on the Western half of the ship. Tough break, Red Shirt. Kirk wins without his girdle and with one hand behind his back. Bones is the 2^nd coolest cat and given his intellect & wit, I have faith he could beat the Tribble (who is 7^th coolest despite the fact he was only in one episode). Scotty (3^rd coolest) has a nasty scrap with Uhura (6^th coolest) who I suspect will fight down and dirty. I give her the edge because of that. And finally we have Chekov (4^th coolest) locking proverbial horns with a nameless Klingon (5^th coolest). Except for Worf, Klingon's seem to be badasses and since they live primarily to fight, I'm giving the unnamed Klingon the nod there.

The Eastern half of the ship is a different battleground. There (in a parallel half of the ship, perhaps) Spock rules the cool kids and I have no doubt that he would best the 8^th coolest Space Hamster (but come on, how cool would a space hamster be?) The rest of this bracket is pretty straight forward. The 2^nd coolest (in the East) Kahn puts a bug in the ear of 7^th coolest Nurse Chapel (whose name no one really remembers), the 3^rd coolest Sulu has a much lower voice than the 6^th coolest Red Shirt # 2 and Evil Kirk (space seed # 4) is way crazier than the unnamed Romulan (#5).

Make sense so far? Good, 'cause here's where it gets tricky. Now the grooviest cats left get first dibs on taking down the uncoolest cats left, you dig? For example, in the west Kirk is still a cool #1 and he draws up against Uhura who is the lamest duck left on that side of the ship. That leaves Bones (#2) to deal with the Klingon (#5). This carries on until there's just one righteous dude left in the west and the same in the east. They quarrel for all the marbles and are declared champion of the galaxy. Yeah? If you haven't got it by now, you're just not going to get it and I'm trying the whole metaphor again with Twilight or Harry Potter characters. Even a nerd has his limitations.

In the NHL world, my picks (which I'll explain later) are as follows:

Washington Capitals (1^st in the East)

vs NY Rangers (8^th in the East) – Washington wins in 5 games.

Philadephia Flyers (2^nd in the East)

vs Buffalo Sabres (7^th in the East) – Flyers win in 6 games.

 

Boston Bruins (3^rd in the East)

vs Montreal Canadiens (6^th in the East) – Bears in 6 gmes.

Pittsburgh Penguins (4^th in the East)

vs Tampa Bay Lightning (5^th in the East) – Bolts in 7 games

Vancouver Canucks (1^st in the West)

vs Chicago Blackhawks (8^th in the West) – Canucks in 5 games

San Jose Sharks (2^nd in the West)

vs LA Kings (7^th in the West) – Sharks in 5 games

Detroit Red Wings (3^rd in the West)

vs Phoenix Coyotes (6^th in the West) – Wings in 6 games

Anaheim Ducks (4^th in the West)

vs Nashville Predators (5^th in the West) – Ducks in 6 games